Memory
by vanlaria
Summary: Inuyasha loses conciousness after the final battle, and selfexamination is all thats left to find out exactly what he lost and what he needs to realize. InuKag – Incomplete – Rated for Inuyasha’s language
1. Prelude: A place beyond Death

Memory

By Strike Redkite

Summary: Inuyasha loses conciousness, and self-examination is all thats left to find out exactly what he lost and what he needs to realize.

---x---

The pain searing through his body was almost unbearable as he turned to look at her form. It was blurry, his vision darkening with every passing second. He heard her call something out, but he was too dazed to figure out what it was. And then the world was plunged into blackness.

---x---

"Inuyasha…" The words meant nothing to me. I'm trying to ignore them. Maybe if I just turn over they'll- "Inuyasha"

What on earth is that? My eyes open, but I can't see anything. It's all just black… but there… a tiny dot in the sky. Like what? It's… a star? Yes, there's a shooting star, making its streak across the sky for no more than a passing moment.

But where? I can't get a sense of my body… I'm just… floating. In space. What? I don't get it, why the hell am I here and not there with her? Who's her anyway? I still don't understand.

I wait, several minutes must pass, but nothing changes. My vision becomes no sharper and I still don't regain my sense of… physical being I guess. There's a sound here, my ears are sharp enough to pick that up, but it's faded. Is that... it's grass. Grass rustling in a moonlight breeze. How do I know it's a moonlight breeze anyway? I guess I just do.

Time is passing, that much is clear. But I can't tell how fast it is. I'm just watching this odd star-filled sky without any real sense of being me. Who am I anyway? And what about that voice I heard when I woke up? Am I even awake?

The sense of immobilization I'm getting dawns on me quite suddenly, and I struggle for a moment. I can't see my body, but I can feel it now. It's not moving, just lying there. I can't feel pain, or warmth. No cold either. It's just… there.

I've given up on that, I haven't a clue where I am. Now I spend time plunging through the strange fog that seems to be my memory, trying to find who I am.

That voice… Who did it belong to? Where is she? And how do I know it's a she anyway? Guess its just one of those weird perks of... being I'm getting. I don't know her name, but I have that feeling that I know her. Who is she to me?

And for all that, who the hell am I?

And then the world fades again and I'm gone.

---x---


	2. A Visit from the Tajiya

The world I was in before clarifies again and I'm existing. At least, as much as I can exist in this void of a place. I still can't move, but I can see my body now. I'm lying on my back… suspended in this weird void. I think I can… no. I can't move my head. But I can understand now.

I passed out I think, but I still haven't regained consciousness. I'm fighting something, but whatever it is isn't making itself clear to me yet. I have… none of my memories. But I know who I am. I've regained my... personality, if you will.

That voice, the one that woke me up the first time. It called me by name, that's what must have brought me out of my stupor. I was… cursed? No, called, Inuyasha. It means… oh hell, why am I telling myself what my own name means?

_For security…_ A voice whispers in the back of my head. Normally, of course, I'd think I was insane. I probably am, for all I know. But it makes sense. At least one thing makes sense here.

I try to move my limbs again, but there's no luck. I'm still… stuck. I can't get a sense of anything beyond my body except… There's someone there. I can feel the presence, smell the scent. It's… lavender? That must be…

"Shhhh"

Whoever it is suddenly becomes my last concern as I look for the source of that sound. Still no response from my body, but I can look around properly. There's someone in the distance, sitting among the stars. How is that possible anyway?

It's a female, but that voice in my head is talking to me again. _That's not her… _Oh yeah, that's helpful. Who is HER anyway?

The person sitting in the stars turns, but I can't see her face. It's shadowed, like everything here seems to be. Her sitting form suddenly seems to be growing… closer? What the hell?

I'm not moving, but clearly she is, though she doesn't get up. And then she's beside me, though I can't get a clear view of her face. She seems gentle, but she's not my gentle…

Damn, the name is gone again. But the figure isn't. She smiles, though I can't actually see her perform the movement. I just know she does…

"Inuyasha…" Hers isn't the voice I heard first, but it's something real. I can cling to it, if it'll help me up. Unfortunately, it's only spiritually that I'm aware of her; she doesn't seem to be there next to my real body.

But back to her voice. It's soft, but pain-filled. Her aura is sad, why? There is love in her life, but it's… shy? No, just odd. Humorous, I guess. And there's another who shares her blood… younger? Yes, but not by much. Not young enough to be her child. His name is…

Wait a minute, how on earth do I know this? I'm going insane, I'm reading her aura. Oh kami…

_Don't panic. You need to understand._

At least the voice is helping me. I take… a deep breath? It's material at least. I know I'm not dead, I never got the kind of feeling that I was. At least my body is still functioning.

The woman sitting next to me is still smiling, but she isn't looking at me. She's looking at that horrible sky. The one that has no moon yet still seems to be lit by an unearthly glow.

"You're not dead"

Well duh.

"Do you know who you are?"

Uh, yeah. But I can't exactly tell you now can I?

"I see."

Is she reading my thoughts? What the hell?

"No. You have questions, but I cannot answer them. I am only here to explain."

Well, good for you.

"I don't suppose you know what you were doing when you passed the borders of death?"

No, or I probably wouldn't be here.

"You nearly died. You saved her, you should know that."

Who the hell is HER?

"I think… perhaps that you could have saved her from more harm."

Could I now? What am I supposed to be- some sort of god?

"Do you know how deep her scars are?"

Scars? What scars? I'm filled with... is this panic again? But the voice isn't calming it. There's someone I'm supposed to… protect? Yeah, but I can't remember her name. Is she hurt?

"Her scars…" The woman stops, like she's unsure of what she's telling me. I wouldn't be surprised if she's read this woman's mind. And she still hasn't said who SHE is.

"You hurt her, though I don't think you meant it. Do you understand?"

Kami, I hope she understands what I'm trying to communicate. But yeah, I understand. At least… so far.

"Kikyou went to hell, though I suppose you remember that much."

No, actually. But at least I have a name. Kikyou eh? I know that name… but it's not HER. That's not the name I'm looking for. But… I'm suddenly filled with a sorrow I can't imagine I could have in this… body. Thing. Whatever.

She's dead eh? But wasn't she… A memory slips by, like the image you get when you close your eyes. The slight memory of what just happened. It's just beyond my reach, and I only get slight bits and many shadows. But… The Shikon no Tama? Is that why this news is bittersweet? What wounds have come between my memory and I that I can't remember? … Because this Kikyou was clearly important to me.

"You chose your other bridge, the other one."

What the hell are you talking about woman?

"She is worried, remember to come back."

And with that this world is slipping away. I try to grasp at it, but its not coming back. I think I cry out, but I'm not sure, because I lose conciseness again.


	3. A Visit from the Houshi

Memory – Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any other characters involved in this. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and shall remain that way.

-

_Recap "She is worried, remember to come back."_

_And with that this world is slipping away. I try to grasp at it, but it's not coming back. I think I cry out, but I'm not sure, because I lose conciseness again._

-

The world comes swirling back in the same haze as before. The moment my vision isn't fuzzy, I look around. But the woman is gone. The strange part is, there's a man sitting where she was.

His face, too, is obscured by shadow. I can't get the same kind of… aura reading off him. But I can get his connection to the woman. I'm confused, but there are more of those shadows beyond my eyelids. He's a… houshi? And the woman from before is the Taji-ya. I get it now, sort of.

Another one of those spiritual smiles dances around his face, though there's no way he could see me. His head is turned away from me. He speaks in a calm voice, full of reassurance. I know I've heard his voice before, this cannot be a coincidence.

"You have chosen a most interesting place as your sanctuary."

Oh yeah. That's gonna help me absolutely loads.

"Do you understand who you are?"

Damn you, start making sense.

"You are Inuyasha, Inu–hanyou of the Sengoku Jidai. Does that bring back any memories?"

Hai, it does. I'm filled with... grief? Something I've known for all my life. I'm regaining memories now... Of whom I was as a child. And as an adult. The people I've known, the places I've been. It's like sledding, the one time that… SHE took me. Hell if I know what sledding is though. But it's the same sensation of everything rushing past me faster than I can really catch it.

I see… is that Kikyou? I don't know, but the image runs by quickly and is gone. And then… an arrow flying out of nowhere. I've dropped something, someone betrayed me. And then blackness, but not the blackness of fading away from my sanctuary, as the monk called it. Just the memory's end.

Is this when I fainted?

"No."

Well, at least I've got something. And the houshi is talking again.

"You cannot leave us Inuyasha; you must remember who you are."

That was rather pointless now wasn't it?

"She needs to return soon, you have to wake up."

That's at least established a couple things. One, I'm clearly still unconscious and wandering around inside my own head. Two, whoever SHE is is going away and I need to get to her before she goes away. Oh Kami, this isn't helping me.

The houshi is starting to fade, I can see a few of the brighter stars behind him. But there's no way I'm going to let him leave.

You CANT leave! I scream out in my mind. But of all things, it doesn't work. Inwardly I grimace, because I still can't move my body parts. The houshi has faded and I'm left alone with my thoughts.

…

Shut up.

I take the time to gaze around at the void I'm floating in, looking for a moon. There isn't one, but I can see its glow reflecting off a rock in the distance.

Wait a minute, what rock?

It comes as quite a shock that I'm not floating anymore, I'm lying down. From my position here, it appears to be a grassy hillock looking up at the stars. I can't see my body, but the grass is bending where it's supposed to be. Apparently I'm here… and yet I'm not. I don't understand.

I can't move either, like something's holding me back. I think I attempt to move, but a sudden fire races up my…leg? Whoa. It hurts like hell, and I can't stop it. Well, that thoroughly screws up any ideas of exploring.

The stars really are quite pretty. It makes me…

A sudden flash of memory again, something quite insignificant. Watching the stars, there are people around me. The... Taji-ya and the houshi? Demons perhaps, and a… a…

Damn, I can't figure it out again. I think that's her, whoever her is, but I can't reach out. I can't remember who she is. I can't even remember her name. The memory's gone too fast, there's nothing for me to hold onto, no lifeline.

A state of despair settles over me, and I can feel something hot. Is this… tears? I've felt… I've felt this once before. When SHE died, of poisoning. Why do I remember this? Why did she die?

Sorrow beyond helping overcomes me and I can't help but close my eyes. Or, I dunno, the world just blacks out. I'm still awake though, I can feel my 'world' revolving around me. At least as much as it could without me.

I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't care. Sleep would be so nice…

_Fading my darling…_

_You cannot fade away…_

Sleeping my darling… 

_You can't sleep the night away…_

What the hell!

I'm awake in an instant, perhaps to see whomever it was singing. But there's no one, nothing. Just the empty void, the grass and the stars up above. Oh, and my lovely invisible body. I close my eyes again and the singing comes back.

_Rushing my darling…_

_You cannot run away…_

_Loving my darling…_

She was never here to stay… 

"NO!"

I'm startling again from the brink of sleeping, just where I was. That was my voice, wasn't it- the one that spoke out? Why am I talking all of a sudden?

The singing… so familiar… It's my mother. Don't ask me how I know, because I just do. Her voice is so sweet, so comforting…

But I know. I know she's not dead. Because she wouldn't ever leave me, she promised. She wanted to stay by my side; she wanted to be with me, even if…

If what?

What have I got to deserve someone who'd want me like that?

And just like that, bam, the memory of HER has faded. But peace has come. She's not dead, because I can feel her. I KNOW it, I can believe it now. I just need to return…

Sleep comes so easily when… whennn… you're… tired….

-

Reviewers

Aries: _WRITE MORE_

That's what I'm doing dahling

Behind Crimson Eyes: _YOU MUST CONTINUE! YOU HAVE TO! Do you WANT me to cry? HUH! Is THAT what you want! Goodness... Write more._

Er… Don't cry –patpat- I don't want my readers to cry. That's why I'm writing.

Kirro: _I really like the idea you have here. Just a few things to nit pick at. One; you switched tenses after the second paragraph without warning. It was third person then all of the sudden switched to first. Second; remember to double check for grammar errors. Spell Check the system won't always notice them. _

_I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep it up ;)_

_PS. I'm so happy to finally have a stalker of my very own! You have SO made my day :D_

The reason it switches tenses is because at first it a point of view for everybody as a whole, verses now when it's just Inuyasha. I think the thing uploaded wrong and the lines disappeared.

I'm quite happy to be you're stalker, though. I'm such a fan of your work. X3 It's so excellent, I think I've read Whispered Confessions at least 10 times. Why? Probably because I have no life, and the story is really good.

-

Chapter 4 Preview

"_Inuyashaaaa, you are such a pain. Stop sleeping all the time, real demons don't need sleep"_

"_Half-demon runt, and I'd squash you if I could fuckin' move"_

"_But you can't. So hah."_

"_Just you wait"_

"_Anyway, I've come to tell you she's gone"_

-

Stay… er… tuned… For Chapter Four of Memory!


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